The Training Video

“I need tea now!” said a voice on the other side of the door.
“Oh, I think I can hear somebody about to misbehave down the corridor, and the ‘phone’s ringing too” I said eagerly “If you’ll excuse me please.”
I hared off without further ado, while the inspectors’ rusty necks cranked around and followed me out of the room.
“P-p-perhaps this is an ideal time to show my new training video?” I heard Richard stutter.
Creeping back to the door crack, I could just make out the shape of a large hairy naked man bouncing energetically on a bored-looking but vociferous brunette lady – and suddenly I remembered where I’d put the manager’s personal video.
“Faster, harder, faster Mr. Big” the lady said in a flat voice, apparently reading an autocue beyond the bull’s heaving shoulders.
“Grunt, grunt” he replied in a Teutonic accent, sitting back to pump a wide arc of seminal fluid across the studio.
Richard’s heart had presumably stopped beating, but he still looked openly envious of the man with an issue really well in hand.
In fact, nobody seemed in a rush to turn the rogue video off, so I made myself scarce in an obscure part of the unit until the meeting finally broke up an hour later, and the shell-shocked pilgrims made their way out through the front door. It was 5.00p.m.and the managers had decided to join the inspectors on their way home, leaving me to consider the error of my ways and to fret about what tomorrow might bring. Strangely, I could only feel an intoxicating blend of relief and amusement pulsing through my veins. The radio seemed to empathise, and somebody said:
“A man from Cheshire is going off on a Caribbean holiday after his twenty-five year old collection of junk mail fetched £500 on the internet.”
“Ha! Ha! Ha!” I chortled too loudly.
“Are you all right?” said a passing patient.
“Just fine” I giggled.


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