FUNd Raising

It was without doubt an absolutely stunning view. A full moon had appeared amongst a myriad of twinkling stars as if by magic, and the crowd roared. It was of course the day of the 24-hour televised ARSE concert and Woody (Rock God) Willie had just turned his back on the audience and dropped his kegs, to the smiling approval of his fossilised chums in the vast, smug band.
“Hello, is that the ARSE (Ageing Rockers Special Executive)donation line?”
“Yes, it is. Please state your pledge.”
“I pledge never to watch this self-indulgent garbage ever again.”
“Pardon?”
“And, by the way, if Woody (Rock God) Willie doesn’t retire soon, he’ll be listed under palaeontology, not pop.”
“I’m afraid that’s an ageist comment sir, and I should warn you that this call is being recorded.”
“My objections are not in regard to his age directly, but rather his complete inability to sing in tune anymore”.
“I’m afraid that’s a slanderous comment sir and I should warn you that this call is being recorded. As a matter of fact, Mr. Willie could never sing in tune to start with.”
“Well…..he never could play a musical instrument that’s for sure, apart from that one time he stretched some chewing gum between his teeth and plucked it like a Jew’s harp.”
“I’m afraid that’s a racist remark sir, and I should warn you that this call is being recorded. Now, can I have your credit card number please?”
“Is there anything I can say which isn’t classed as discrimination and prejudice?” I asked.
“Providing you humbly accept the axiomatic de rigueur principle that all human beings are equally intelligent, equally talented, equally valuable, equally attractive and equally deserving – yes…… In fact, you’re allowed to talk endlessly about that.”
(pause)
“Sir?”
(silence)
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One Response to “FUNd Raising”

  1. My career setatrd in 1979. I worked in the ICU/CCU of a large hospital and made 8.95 and hour by working a specialty and the night shift.I went back to working the MSP floor making 29.50 an hour, as you can see the raises for nurses have hardly kept pace with the cost of living.The amount of work and responsibility we take on is unbelievable yet when you ask for a raise the powers that be raise their eyebrows and it is like asking you why should we give you one.e are professionals taking human lives in our hands and doing the very best we can to help them get the care they need.I have finally had enough and retired I had not planned to do so but the stress and responsibility have become to much for me.Bless the rest of you in this profession and I wish you all the best.A tired and frustrated nurse who has felt for a long time that this profession deserved better.

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